Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Books books everywhere

Who said that books should cost this much? Seriously, most of my "play" money I saved up from working all freaking summer was spent today on books. Ok, not really MOST of it (I did save up a lot), but it put a substantial dent in it. $300. Bastards.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

One final year

Here I am. Ready to start classes in two days. I graduate this year. I should have finished long ago. But no. I had to take two years off. I had to go visit California and Oregon and spend time with Dad instead of being smart and getting a start on my life.

So here I am. Ready to be me. Ready to be someone. Ready to start and finish. Ready to be done. Ready to be...what? What am I trying to be? Senior year of college. Criminal Justice major. I could go to law school. I could try to become a police officer. I could just give up this joke and be a social worker. I guess I'm ready for any of the options. I have an LSAT score. I can't get into the school I want with it but I can try again. Do I want to try again?

Who are these people? Who are my friends? Beth thinks we'll go to law school together and be all happy go lucky. I'm not like Beth. She's outgoing. She's a free spirit. She's ready to be single and alone for three years just to get that freaking degree. I want something more. I want to find someone to be happy with. Then maybe I can be happy with me. And there's Mike. What the hell are we anymore? I know you will read this Mike. So why don't you tell me what we are? Just tell me if it's a yes or it's a no because I can't live in limbo like this. You love me. You don't want to marry me. You think I'm sweet. You think we're good together. You don't know if you'd be happy with someone else. What the hell?

But classes start again. And I'll try some more. Perhaps this will give me the outlet I need to just be me. To figure it out.